Turning Pages

There are milestones in our lives that define us, that allows us to close one chapter and begin another. Some milestones allow more than closure of chapter, but a closure of a volume of chapters and the beginning of a new story.

As a military family, it seems we often close volumes, containing stories and chapters of this or that duty station, of this deployment or that reintegration process. There are stories about family vacations, and traveling Europe, and moving, and packing up this house, and buying that house. All of these stories containing the smiles, tears and joys of living and breathing the life of a military family. 

This week my other half, and by proxy the rest of my family, closed an important volume this week. After almost 20 years of blood (not hers), sweat and tears, we closed the volume on the former spouse (FS). This week he signed what should be the LAST court order, the LAST suit, the LAST shake down for more "entitlement" payouts. And I have to say- I couldn't be happier!!!!! Well maybe I could be if we won the lottery right now! *wink*

I won't divulge too many details, as they are not mine to share, but I will share MY experiences. Since I started dating my Hubby it has been an assortment of threats, modifications, suits, contempt orders, shake downs for money, missed visitations, claims of adoption, denial of parental rights, harassment of employers, outright lies, a parade of attorneys, nasty emails, ill wishes, and sense of impending doom that comes with all of this. It seemed like just when things were settling down to a sense of normalcy, she was at it again. Her demands and threats as inconsistent as the winter in the south. Her only consistency was the underlying motivation, which I believe was to stay relevant in our (Hubby's) life. 

This week, it all ended. Hubby signed that last piece of paperwork that liberated our family from the chains of bondage to that woman. (And I use those words lightly.)

So we should be ecstatic right!? Celebrations. Parades. Drinks and "Round is on me!" Clapping. Confetti.  Not so much. 

No war is won without casualties. No battle is fought that doesn't have some collateral damage. 

The latest victim: the Father-Son Relationship.

I'm not sure how they will repair this rift or if it has a fix. Sometimes flat tires can't be patched, you just need to buy a new tire. I'm not suggesting he "buy" a new son, but it may be that this relationship has no repair and that instead they will need to build a new one. Start from scratch. Build from the ground up. 

I don't have the answers, but what I do know is that I can hear the hurt in what hubby doesn't say. I see the pain of losing his son masked behind the joy of closing the volumes of chapters that include the former spouse. 

I can only hope that Son2 can understand the pain he caused, and own his part in this. I can only hope that Son2 can see the choices he made led to this final destruction. I can only hope Son2 will learn that children of divorced parents need to stick up for their separate relationships with each parent.  I can only hope that Son2 never experiences the pain and heartache of divorce and the struggles that can accompany the process if the bitterness remains. 

For my husband, I hope his pain and anger subside to a level that is manageable. I hope his rage against the situation doesn't consume him from the inside out. Most importantly I hope he learns to forgive her and Son2. There is no healing without forgiveness, and there is no peace without healing. 

As for my family as a whole, we'll be ok. We'll be ok because we are closing this chapter. We are finishing this storyline. We will be ok, because today is the start of a new chapter. Today we turn the page, and all we see is a clean sheet. Today we start a new story- one that doesn't include....who again? *wink*

Top Shelf Food

I LOVE to eat. I enjoy cooking and finding new recipes, and I'm a pretty damn good cook as well. I love to try new foods. I love traveling to new places and heading to an off-the-beaten path restaurant. So you could safely say food is an essential part of my happiness. Hence the extra pounds I am trying to shed, but that is not the point here. 

What I don't enjoy about food is how I ALWAYS manage to miss my mouth at least once during a snack, meal or other face stuffing experience. It never fails. It's rarely the first few bites. Those bites usually makes it in intact. Probably because I am shoveling it in.


However, somewhere after like the 4th or 5th bite I either grow a hole in my chin or the distance from the plate to my mouth somehow changes by like π  squared. Maybe it's greed or hunger, or fear that someone will reach into my plate and start nibbling away at my treats.  At this point I usually miss my mouth. 

This wouldn't be so funny if I was 6 months old and still wearing a bib. It wouldn't be so bad if it fell on the napkin in my lap or hell back on the plate would work too!

NOOOOO. It always lands on the "top shelf", as hubby calls it. 

Women with C cups or better know what I am talking about. There must be a magnet that women with large boobs have that creates a gravitational pull forcing food, drink, and all other staining items right down onto this black hole. It's annoying and sometimes embarrassing. 

Within the last week I have had two embarrassing incidents with Top Shelf Food.

The other morning Hubby made breakfast. Awesome scrambled eggs with all kinds of fresh veggies and cheese in them. Delish! I'm shoveling eggs in my face and next thing you know a bit of the scrambled eggs drops between my boobs. Now mind you its Sunday morning and I hadn't bothered with a "real" bra, so I am in a sports bra. Hubby rounds the corner to bring me juice and what does he see? My hand wrist deep between my tits fishing out eggs. I'm trying to clean up and he thinks its an invitation to explore. Maybe he thought he was being helpful. Who knows?

What's he do? He dives in, motorboat first to get some "egg flavored boobies." Thank goodness the kids were all done with their breakfast and scattered to the four winds. What a morning treat that would have been? Dad head first in Mom's boobs cleaning up the "egg flavored boobies."

This top shelf food can be unpredictable! 

Another incident happened in a restaurant. So there we were on Friday night eating at a restaurant in this military friendly resort. Now mind you, it had been one of the most horrific drives I had experienced in a while. After a 4.5 hour drive turned into 7 hrs, we were ready for a meal. The ONLY restaurant available to us was a very American one in the resort. I decide to order a burger with fries, because it was the only thing on the menu I thought they couldn't fudge up. WRONG.  But neither here nor there. 

I'm sitting there eating our appetizer of stale chips and weak salsa. And I drop a chip. 

I look on the floor. Not there. 

Look on the table. Nope.

I look between my legs. Still nothing. 

So I do what any other like minded individual would do, I reach for another chip thinking maybe I was losing my mind about having dropped a chip. Until I go to stuff another one in my mouth, and VOILA! There is the lost chip, right on the top shelf perched on my shirt between both boobs. 

I quickly extract the Lost Chip from no man's land and glance up to see if Hubby is watching. What do you think? 

Busted! He chuckles and says "I was watching you to see if you would find that chip."

"Really? You're watching me search for a chip that is sitting on my tits? Thanks babe!"

Lucky for me he decided that motor boating my boobs wasn't appropriate in a restaurant. ;)

Do you have a funny Top Shelf Food story? Please share! I would love to hear that I am not the only one dropping all kinds of crap onto my chest. 

*Like it when you read...love it when you comment!* 

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Not so flexible

This post has taken me 10 days to finish. Here it goes:


Ok so Hubby has returned from Afghanistan. Life is good right? Well sorta. I'm thrilled he is home! Actually more than thrilled. It feels right for him to be home. To have him to converse with and to hang out with.

Love it. Wouldn't trade it.

Then what is the but you hear in this post? My routine.

It's really pretty simple. I wake up and get the kids off to school. Really I just get the 11 year old off to school because at 17 The Princess can handle this small task. Then I come home and work out. After I work out it's fair game. Schedule is pretty open for errands, house cleaning, laundry, whatever pretty much needs to get done.

It works for me and I'm happy for the most part. It also allows me quite a bit of freedom since I work 3-4 nights a week at a local pub.

Since hubby has been back I feel like I can't get my schedule back together. There seems to be a monkey wrench in my daily routine. I don't want to say its him but I think his presence is throwing me off.

The worst part is that I am raving bitch when my schedule gets hijacked and especially if I miss my workouts. I enjoy the pain and the sweat but more importantly I enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that I have once I am done with a really intense workout. I feel like I can do anything.

These past few weeks with him home have been brutal on scheduling. I really am trying not to take it out on him but we are having a serious adjustment period. Funny thing is that this is the SHORTEST deployment we have EVER had in our military life together. So what is the issue?

One word: ME.

I have become so much less flexible. I am not sure why, but I am. I think its because I don't have the routine of a full-time job and therefore I do have more time on my hands. But that should make me more flexible and it isn't. The whole thing is getting frustrating.

The worst part is that he is trying. He is trying to reintegrate himself into our schedule and he is trying to take up some slack. He has been great at fixing dinner, helping with laundry and this Friday he even helped me clean.

So yea, the problem is me. Now for the solution. I need to go with the flow more and stop being so rigid. I am trying that on for size. I didn't work out today, and I didn't get all stark raving mad on him. We sat and watched movies and I ate and slept and we had a nice rainy day. Completely unscheduled and out of routine. And I did well.

Thanks Hubby for being a patient human being. I know I wouldn't deal with my own shit, so thanks for putting up with it. :)

http://quantumlearningblog.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/learning-flexibility.jpg

Crazy Kinda Love

My poor husband always seems to be on the receiving end of my moods. I don't mean to be a hormonal crazy bitch, but sometimes I am. Couple that with a wee bit too much time on my hands, graduate work that I can't seem to get done, and well I can have my moments.

The situation is actually made worse by the fact that he is deployed and HE has way too much time on his hands.

Now this blogging thing is new to us. While I started my blog awhile ago, I have only just started blogging more regularly. Did I mention I had time on my hands? Any who, sometimes I blog about my our children. Sometimes I blog about random things, and sometimes Hubby gets tossed into the shuffle of my blogging. How could he not? If the blog is about my life and what is important to me, then he is a HUGE part of that.

The problem is that sometimes he misinterprets a comment here, or a question there as dig against our marriage or relationship. That is the farthest from the truth.

The blog and posts are just what I am thinking. Like diarrhea of the mouth and brain. It's like having a window inside my head. He always says if he knew what women thought he would be a rich man. (He also says "Take away reasoning, accountability and logic and you have a woman." I don't much care for that little comment.)

Either way I wanted to take a moment to reassure my hubby, here publicly and for the world to read, that I adore him.

Hey Hubby- I love you. I love us. I'm not here because you were the one person I could live with, it was because you were the one person I couldn't live without.

And to prove that, I am going to list some great things about him and our relationship. So the next time I have a random thought that makes you (hubby) feel weird or insecure, stop and re-read this post. Then put your big boy boots on and get the sand outta your mangina because I fucking love you. :)

Here's to Hubby:

• Sparks flew the first night we met, and they have been there ever since. 
• You allowed me to "test" you to make sure you were suitable for me & my daughter before I introduced you into her life. 
• You have treated her like your own from the moment you met her, and she loves you and you are her Dad. 
• You are the worst sore loser ever, and together we are a competitive hot mess. Remember Phase 10? One word: ugly.
• You pushed through my insecurities and abandonment issues, and allowed me to open up and trust you at my pace. That wasn't easy, and I know that. 
• You are a good Dad. 
• You make me laugh and you get my humor. 
• You can have an intelligent conversation with anyone, about almost any topic. 
• You are ambitious and have a life plan. Thankfully that includes me. 
• You would rather sit and watch movies with us, than be out with friends. 
• You are loyal to a fault. 
• You have honor, and a sense of duty and that is hard to come by these days. 
• You don't remember anyone's name and I have to be your "PR rep."
• You try to be strong, but really you are a big softy. 
• You are a patient and considerate lover. 
• You pushed through those awful months when the D word was trumped. 
• You know which ovary is cycling and which is my Angry Ovary and which is Cry-Baby Ovary. 
• You can drink beer like a fish, but I can't. I can drink liquor like it's water, but you can't. 
• You give good Party! Pajamas and snow. Beer & Brats. Fourth of July. Just to name a few. 
• You love my family, and that can't be easy. 
• You love your family, and that is never easy.
• You make me proud by being the best soldier you can be, every single day of the last 21 years of service. That takes commitment. 
• You hate Sundays, and its the only time I get to be strong for you. 
• You have moved us many times, and every move is a new adventure. 
• You are a generous man. 
• You laugh with me, and at me. I laugh with you and at you. 
• You are the best damned griller I know, and anyone that has been to our house for summer picnics would agree. 
• You love me with all your heart and I feel that with all my heart. 
• You want to grow old with me even though you know my mom. 
• You're still the one. 

Money 101

Warning....the following post is going to sound a lot like a bitch session. Language can will be slightly foul.

So if you've read my last post, Lessons in Fiscal Responsibility, you will know where this is coming from. Without having to recap to much of that post, I am teaching trying to teach my daughter some financial responsibility. That said, apparently I should keep my day job because I am failing epically. Oh shit wait! I am a teacher by trade, so what does that tell me? 

Anywho, let's pick up where that post left off. Her January cell phone bill posts to my account. Now remember we are living overseas. Her cell plan isn't half of what we had in the states and it costs about the same as one of the higher end plans by Verizon. There is NO unlimited texting to all cell phones, only to those in your same carrier. There is NO unlimited calling except to those in your same carrier. There are also charges per call for calling land lines. Of course as with any cell plan, go over your allotments and get raped on charges. Truthfully it's a shitty plan, but it's what they have here and it's what she agreed to. Wait! Did I mention that you don't get a paper bill, going green bullshit, and I can't get them to update my email so that I can get the emailed bills? Also, in Germany when you sign for these contracts they automatically deduct the payment from your account. Yea... it's friggin' awsome! So back to the story... the bill posts my account. $262 DOLLARS. Yup big text and all. I too choked when I saw it. Her bill is usually around the $100 range. I was like WTF??? FUMING! So I try not to flip shit on her and simply asked her what the hell happened? She was wide eyed and flabbergasted at the amount. Not to mention that she knows how much she already owes me. We'll get to that later! So I ask her "what the hell are you doing with your cell phone that you are racking up charges in the amount of $262 dollars?" Of course.... as you expected, she has no idea. Actually she thinks it's my cell phone that racked up those charges. So I call the cell carrier and confirm that indeed it's hers. So what now?

Well I'm pissed! To add insult to injury she walked in the other with $30 yoga pants and a new shirt. WTF?!?! I asked her where she got them from... so-and-so bought them for me. Really???? REALLLY???!!! Oh my dear! I am ready to strangle her! So I took a more logical approach. I need to teach a lesson...lesson...lesson...lesson. I keep repeating it because it keeps me from smacking her upside her head, and at 16 that approach is not very effective. So I repeat...lesson...lesson...lesson.

The lesson in money management. That is the lesson. 

I go to my handy dandy Xcel and create an invoice. Oh did I fail to mention she has been friggin' going haywire with her iTunes purchases as well? Yup that too is accumulating. So I create a very official business-like invoice. I included Decembers cell bill, all the iTunes that she has purchased since the cell phone bill posted in late December and then added her January cell bill. Here is the lesson part. Wait for it...wait for it. Late charges!!! Hey if this were a real cell phone bill, they would have cut it off already. Since I can't do that and not have a boat load of penalties, this is the next best thing. 

I added a 2% interest charge to all of December charges which are now past due. Granted it was only three bucks but it's the point. If you are going to play with the adults then you play by the adult rules. 

I haven't sat down and explained the invoice to her, but I will. My husband, who is in other parts, agreed with this plan. Now let's see if we can get it to work. Maybe the fact that she owes $472 between two cell phone bills and iTunes is enough to jar her ass back to reality. Maybe she pick up more shifts at her work to pay it off. I may go down and still take the money from her account. Am I relieving her of the responsibility of paying her bill? She is still "out" the money, but if I get it myself then she didn't really pay it. I don't know. I am confused and talking in damned circles. I just need her to understand that financial responsibilities should not be taken lightly. Ever. 

It's frustrating as hell, and I hate being the bitch. However, I feel like if I don't do it now she may never understand what it is to live within your means. I love her to pieces and being the only girl she really is my princess. But I have to do right by her and this feels like tough love. Am I wrong? Am I doing the right thing? Comments and suggestions are always welcomed. 

Renaming the Blog

So I feel like I need to rename my blog. Not because I don't like the name but more because I feel like it narrowly defines who and what I am about. Yes I am a mom, and damned proud of that! However, it isn't the only thing I am about, and having a blog name that has the word Mom in it seems so narrow. Am I wrong? Am I over thinking this? Its not like a have hundreds of followers. Hell I just hit double digits and I think I am subscribed to my own blog. Pathetic. Either way I want to rename it. I have a few ideas that I am tossing around.... let's see what comes of it.

Just the two of us

The past couple of days I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with my hubby, just the two of us. From Sunday through Thursday I was a traveling woman, doing the "us" thing in two European cities.  Yup... I'm a lucky girl!

Although hubby finds himself in a less than hospitable environment, he had the opportunity to leave it for a week and go on business elsewhere. Of course when I got the "hey wanna meet me in London & Brussels for a few days" call, I jumped on the first flight there. It didn't take me long to find a flight, and make arrangements for the kids to stay with friends. Look Ma' no kids time.

See we missed our anniversary due to this deployment and so was to be our getaway. After all, we deserve it and after being together for 12+ years, we still enjoy each other's company and that is ALWAYS something to be thankful of in this disposable Kardashian marriage era. Actually as of today I have been married 56.13 Kardashians which is HUGE! So I got my Ryan Air tickets (Euro Southwest), and I was up up and away!

London was fabulous! It was both our first times there and we walked our feet and legs down to nubs. We saw all the sites and walked what felt like the entire city. The best part? Just being with my best friend and enjoying the company of us. I love my kids, I do, however there is so much to be said about just being with your spouse in the quiet company of a walk down the Thames. I enjoyed OUR time together.

We took pictures, talked, rode the tube, had beer and food and just spent time together with no interruptions, no worries, no kids to pick up or feed, no homework to get done. Brussels was another nice city, and although I didn't enjoy it as much as London, we still enjoyed the "us" time together.

We even got to be silly together. We have this relatively new tradition thanks to iphoneography and the Other Guys movie: the faceback picture.  I am a fairly new convert to Apple....although my hubby now says I am an Apple wh*re, I just came into my Apple-ness. iPhones have the marvelous feature of taking your own photo while being able to look at the screen and see yourself. So we took loads of faceback shots in front of many different monuments, sites and random places. It's our thing now since we have been traveling Europe so much. We have an "our thing" and that made the time together that much more special.

I love my husband, and what's even better is that I enjoy his company and I LIKE him. I miss him when he is gone and sometimes he drives me bonkers when he is here. No matter what I am grateful that I was able to spend this very special time with him which only served to strengthen our bond. He is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Happy Daze

Today could be any other day of the year, but its special to me. Today marks the 11th anniversary of my wedding to a wonderful man. I don't even know where to start to describe him. I could describe his physical characteristics, but that isn't why I married him. I could describe his tenacity, which is truly why I dated him and fell in love with him in the first place. Like a bull in a china shop, he barged into my life when I was at the height of complications. A failed marriage, messy divorce, 3 year old daughter, university requirements to finish, a full-time job and walls around my heart that would take him years to scale.

I could sit here and describe all the things that he did to break down my walls and give me a sense of security within my marriage. I could describe his love, and the unconditional love he has for our children: his, mine and ours. I could tell you how stubborn he is and how he is loyal to a fault. I could tell you how intelligent and well read he is, and how he plans for the days when are retired and growing old together. He cooks. He cleans. He does laundry. He is passionate about his job, and takes the success and failures of his men personally. All these things make him great and make our marriage work. But the greatest gift he has given me is acceptance. The ability to be myself and know that no matter what he still loves me. This belief in me, in us, instills such a sense of peace, stability, and confidence, that it is now the grout the holds our foundation in place. There is no greater breaker of barriers than the gift of unconditional love & acceptance.

So eleven years later I just want to say that my marriage is better than it was December 30, 2000. I love him more now than I thought possible, and the foundation we laid has held up under the weight of pretty heavy burdens throughout the years. He has made me a better person, and I have grown immensely as a mother, woman and wife during these eleven years.

On this day when we are supposed to celebrate the gift of us, we are miles apart. But its ok, and I am at peace with knowing that no matter how far apart we are I still feel his love around me. Thank you for wonderful life, Babe! I think of so many songs that could describe what I feel but we have a song...our Hawaii song: Somewhere Over the Rainbow.

So tonight, I sit here and listen to our song. Happy anniversary Babe and I will see you in 92 days.

93 days and counting

I don't like to complain. Truth is someone always has it worse, and people don't like whiners. Hell, I don't like whiners, but today my Soldier Boy left to serve God and country. I said my good-byes and gave hugs and kisses. I didn't cry this time. This time was different. He is deploying for a mere 93 days. Many people would balk at being separated from their spouse for 3 months. Many spouses have never spent that much time away from their other halves. As a military wife, 93 days is a drop in the bucket. Short enough to live through, long enough to miss him.  Yes I am missing him already.

I'm grateful though that I have my children and work friends to help me through the next 93 days. We have made it through twice as long, and I have no doubt that we will make it through this one.

I decided that I would use this time to train up for something I have been wanting to do for years. I want to do some sort of triathlon or mud run or half-marathon. So I am training up and getting in shape while he is gone. Hopefully he will come back to a new and improved me. I hope 93 days is long enough to accomplish that goal. We will see how that goes.....

True Lies

Great movie! Never really thought of the meaning of the title and its implications until now. Now as in just the last few days, when the truth seemed like such a foreign concept to my teenager. Because of the nature of the internet and really still believing in the ideals of privacy and my eternal right to it, in total contradiction to my blogging, I will limit the details and go for the feelings. Ahh isn't that what this blogging is about anyways? Feelings...nothing more than feelings.
 My emotions get the best of me. They always do.  There is pain in a lie. There is pain the purposeful deception by those we love. I think there is more heartache and pain when that deception and lying comes from your child. My daughter attempted to lie to me to spare my feelings and to spare an argument. Yes two separate lies, two separate occasions, not the first time. Not wanting to hurt someone, commendable. Not wanting to start or pick a fight, great! I get it. Lying, deceiving and omitting the truth, not the best ways to go about it. How did I handle it? Well I did what all people do with hurt feelings, I festered. I festered in the ideas of whether I was raising a child who would rather lie than deal with the painful truth. I festered in the notion that she was honest with her father, who isn't present daily and not with me; the one here everyday, through thick and thin. I festered in the raw emotion of raising a teenage girl.  Each lie takes on a life of its own, requiring more lies to hide it and spreading to more people to preserve it. Most lies have an exit, a way to out itself and do the least amount of damage, and yet my daughter never took the out. She preserved the integrity of the lie and perpetuated it to her own physical detriment. The lie was outed and the argument was bigger than it needed to be. It always is.
My take away, my lesson to my child, to my blossoming young adult is the following:

   You choose to lie to those you love, a conscious decision. You choose to be deceptive when you lie. Whether by omission or commission you are still practicing to deceive. A lie requires work and more lies to keep it hidden. A lie is a seed that needs to tended to and watched, helped along. She justified her lies in trying to spare me the pain of the truth. I can't say there isn't pain in the truth, but there is more pain in knowing that someone didn't think you worthy of that truth or their honesty.

  I would like to believe that I raised her better, that I instilled a sense of honor and integrity in my child, but then I realized that I am still raising her, job not yet finished, my teen not quite yet done. Teens are governed by laws that are foreign to the rest of the world which don't make sense even in the teen world. Examining how I raised her led me to look at what example I set for her. Oh the hardest of truths and the easiest of lies: the ones we tell ourselves. I set the example for this behavior she used on me. Funny how the lessons we teach by our own behavior are the ones that bite us in the ass later. I have lied on occasions to spare her hide with her dads. I have omitted the truth to not disillusion them about Daddy's Little Girl. I have lied by writing her a late pass when she was late to her 1st period Algebra II teacher. I have lied by allowing her to stay home when she was only sorta sick. I taught her that sometimes the truth is bendable depending on the situation. I gave her a homegrown lesson in selective veracity. She learned well what I taught when I thought she wasn't paying attention. She learned that the sometimes in order to conform to fact, you must express what is false: True Lies.