Crazy Kinda Love

My poor husband always seems to be on the receiving end of my moods. I don't mean to be a hormonal crazy bitch, but sometimes I am. Couple that with a wee bit too much time on my hands, graduate work that I can't seem to get done, and well I can have my moments.

The situation is actually made worse by the fact that he is deployed and HE has way too much time on his hands.

Now this blogging thing is new to us. While I started my blog awhile ago, I have only just started blogging more regularly. Did I mention I had time on my hands? Any who, sometimes I blog about my our children. Sometimes I blog about random things, and sometimes Hubby gets tossed into the shuffle of my blogging. How could he not? If the blog is about my life and what is important to me, then he is a HUGE part of that.

The problem is that sometimes he misinterprets a comment here, or a question there as dig against our marriage or relationship. That is the farthest from the truth.

The blog and posts are just what I am thinking. Like diarrhea of the mouth and brain. It's like having a window inside my head. He always says if he knew what women thought he would be a rich man. (He also says "Take away reasoning, accountability and logic and you have a woman." I don't much care for that little comment.)

Either way I wanted to take a moment to reassure my hubby, here publicly and for the world to read, that I adore him.

Hey Hubby- I love you. I love us. I'm not here because you were the one person I could live with, it was because you were the one person I couldn't live without.

And to prove that, I am going to list some great things about him and our relationship. So the next time I have a random thought that makes you (hubby) feel weird or insecure, stop and re-read this post. Then put your big boy boots on and get the sand outta your mangina because I fucking love you. :)

Here's to Hubby:

• Sparks flew the first night we met, and they have been there ever since. 
• You allowed me to "test" you to make sure you were suitable for me & my daughter before I introduced you into her life. 
• You have treated her like your own from the moment you met her, and she loves you and you are her Dad. 
• You are the worst sore loser ever, and together we are a competitive hot mess. Remember Phase 10? One word: ugly.
• You pushed through my insecurities and abandonment issues, and allowed me to open up and trust you at my pace. That wasn't easy, and I know that. 
• You are a good Dad. 
• You make me laugh and you get my humor. 
• You can have an intelligent conversation with anyone, about almost any topic. 
• You are ambitious and have a life plan. Thankfully that includes me. 
• You would rather sit and watch movies with us, than be out with friends. 
• You are loyal to a fault. 
• You have honor, and a sense of duty and that is hard to come by these days. 
• You don't remember anyone's name and I have to be your "PR rep."
• You try to be strong, but really you are a big softy. 
• You are a patient and considerate lover. 
• You pushed through those awful months when the D word was trumped. 
• You know which ovary is cycling and which is my Angry Ovary and which is Cry-Baby Ovary. 
• You can drink beer like a fish, but I can't. I can drink liquor like it's water, but you can't. 
• You give good Party! Pajamas and snow. Beer & Brats. Fourth of July. Just to name a few. 
• You love my family, and that can't be easy. 
• You love your family, and that is never easy.
• You make me proud by being the best soldier you can be, every single day of the last 21 years of service. That takes commitment. 
• You hate Sundays, and its the only time I get to be strong for you. 
• You have moved us many times, and every move is a new adventure. 
• You are a generous man. 
• You laugh with me, and at me. I laugh with you and at you. 
• You are the best damned griller I know, and anyone that has been to our house for summer picnics would agree. 
• You love me with all your heart and I feel that with all my heart. 
• You want to grow old with me even though you know my mom. 
• You're still the one. 

Sleeping with Children

Hot Mess Mom recently posted a sweet and tender bit about sleeping with her boys. It was something that hit close to home, especially last night.

As a military wife/mom, Dad has a tendency to be away quite a bit, and has been throughout the last 13 years. So it is not uncommon when Dad's away the children fight for position in the bed next to mom. During one deployment I had to create a rotating schedule so there wasn't a huge argument at bedtime about who gets to sleep with mom. It got so bad, I would schedule nights alone so that I could get some rest from the tossing, kicking and movement of little ones in the bed with me.

Except this deployment has been different.

My daughter is going to be 17 in April, and my son will be 11 next Friday. Princess only occasionally likes to sleep with me, and I usually have to ask first:

"Hey ya wanna sleep with Mom tonight?"
"Sure." (Why I banned the word sure.)

She is on her own sheet of music. She stays up late doing homework, and has the iPhone glued to her hand whether it is on music, texting or the latest and greatest, Voxer.  I'm just grateful she still confides in me and wants to occasionally hang out with Mom. I will take what I can get!

Bear, who is usually the one under the covers before anyone can take his place, hasn't really wanted to sleep with me either. It seems I can't bribe them anymore either. Staying up late was always a great bribe!

So last night (Wed.), Bear asked if he could sleep with me tonight (Thurs). I said sure, but since I had to work that it might not be a good idea. I would get in late and then wake him when I was shuffling about the room. So we made a date for Friday night.

As I was standing there thinking about the exchange, I asked him: "What prompted this? Usually I have to beg you kids to sleep with me nowadays." His response, while candid, hurt my heart a bit, he said: "Mom we are getting older. We are looking for our independence."

All that wisdom from an 11 year old.

I know they're looking for their own independence. I also know that these are the easiest days they will experience in their lives, and I want it to last. I want him to cuddle with me, and give me hugs and kisses. I love the evenings when he wants to watch a movie with me. Some of the best moments have been watching the Sand Lot, Stand By Me and Second Hand Lions with him at my side, all cuddled on the recliner, sharing a blanket.

I want to be able to walk up to my teenager and just give her a hug without her asking what's wrong or in the kid voice she does "why you touchy me?"

I want the days where my lap was big enough to fit them. Now she towers over me and he is not far behind, and I am 5'5 1/2". (Yes that half inch makes a difference to me.)

Now she finds it comical to jump into my arms like she did when she was two and watching mom fall or struggle not to. Her latest trick is to jump on my back when I am crouched down. And it doesn't matter where we are. She did it in the commissary embarrassingly enough, and I toppled and bounced back up like a Weeble-Wooble.

Right or wrong I have lived the last 17 years for my children. My entire world is focused on them. What will happen when Princess graduates next summer? What will happen when Bear leaves the nest? Will I be happy to enjoy my hubby? I believe I will... Or will I be that Mom that can't leg go, and struggles to cut the umbilical cord?

Well the good thing is he has already told me that he plans on being a "stay at home son." For right now, I kinda like that idea.


Anyone else struggling with the impending empty nest? How do you cope with the changing maturity of your children?


*I like it when you read....love it when you comment!*

Background Sharing

So as I posted in my Hey It's Ok Tuesday, I hate visiting other blogs to find someone has the same background as I do. I wanna be original. Not too much to ask, right?

There I was clicking on links and found ANOTHER one like mine. That was it! I had to go for a change.

Easier said then done. After wasting hours on different sites looking for a background, this is what I came up with.

Feeling sooo girly....eeew.



**addendum...son came home and saw my girly backdrop and was like "Too girly, Ma." So he helped me pick this one. Like it? Thanks Bear for your honesty!

Comments?

Hey, It's Ok Tuesdays on Wednesday

Hello everyone! Hooking up with Amber at Airing My Dirty Laundry, One Sock at a Time to join in her Tuesday feature: Hey It's Ok.

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Hey It's Ok...


To get the giggles when the only guy in my yoga class busts ass when we moved into the cat's pose. Yes I was the only who chuckled out loud.


To have not yet started finishing my graduate portfolio even though it's due the second week in April. Right?


To get pissy when I visit other blogs and they have the same background I do. I wind up wasting HOURS of my life attempting to change it, only to end up back where I was.


To get pissy-er when I am looking for new blog backdrops and all I keep finding is all this girly foo-foo crap.


To have found two new sites to obsess over: Pinterest & Budget Bytes. Love them!


To be losing so much hair in the shower that it looks like I crapped a small woodland animal. We won't talk about the chia pet that comes out of the drain when I clean it out.



To run errands in my work out clothes and still stinky from the gym. It keeps people at bay.



To be posting this on Wednesday because I forgot about it yesterday. :)





*I like it when you read....love it when you comment!*

Bright Ideas

New Year's and the damn resolutions. Who's idea is that anyways? Overzealous people trying to make the whole world miserable. 

This year I joined a new bandwagon. I decided that I wasn't resolving to get fit, but instead resolving to change my lifestyle. Sounds so deep and introspective doesn't it? It was. Let's just see how long it lasts. 

My friend Jill and I decided that with all the time we had on our hands, and I don't mean a few hours but Desperate Housewives amount of time, that we should make good use of our time and train for a triathlon. Jill was a tri vet, and I was willing to try. Together we would be great motivation for each other. Right? It's comical more than anything, and most days we are like Mutt & Jeff. 

Regardless, we have been pretty steady at working out since January. However, we have not really done the whole change the way you eat part. We have been absolutely HORRID about what we shovel in, shovel being the operative word here. Often times leaving the gym to sit and eat at Chili's. 

Don't judge. It's not our fault. Who in the hell puts a Chili's across the parking lot from a gym? It was either Chili's or Popeye's. I think we made a pretty damn good choice given our options. (Well we thought we were making the better choice.) We always went in with good intentions, and 9 times out of 10 we ordered salads. Awesome! 

Except, we weren't seeing any results. 

So I was talking to my BFF back in the states and she mentioned having recently lost 32 pounds with Weight Watchers. Yup, the light bulb went off in my brain. I thought 'hell that is what I need!' I need to monitor what I eat, count some points, rack up the weight loss. Yeah! That's it!

So I joined Weight Watchers online. Then I looked into the salads we have been ordering at Chili's, just for shits and giggles. I can't remember what came first: the shits or the giggles. 

Quesadilla Explosion salad from Chili's: 906 calories. 

Who the f*ck can pack that many calories into a damned salad? Only a chain restaurant. And why call it a salad? Why not call it "Whole day's caloric intake Bowl"? Yea not so catchy. 

I don't think I could have picked a more crappy salad to order at Chili's, it they had disclosed the caloric intake. I feel like a dumb ass! The damned burgers have less calories!

Chili's you broke my heart. 

And the bright ideas just kept on coming... We didn't stop with Weight Watchers. We decided we needed to up our game. Really get into losing weight. We were gonna do this! YEAH!

There I was looking on the internet for ways to shed pounds and potentially kill ourselves. Found it! A P90X-Insanity Hybrid Workout. Heard of P90X but not so sure about Insanity? Look at the name they gave it, it says it all. Lucky, or unlucky for me, we have both sets of DVDs in my home. 

Yea, we started that on Monday. All I can say is HOLY HELL! I am so sore from Day 1 of P90X and Day 2 of Insanity. I am so sore that typing feels like a cardio workout for my arms. 

Tomorrow is Day 3 and we will see how that goes. I believe we are working back and arms. I'm going to "Give it my best and forget the rest" and "Dig Deep". Let's see what other bright ideas I come up with. I am praying my light bulb stays dim, and no more a-ha revelations. Not sure my body can handle it.