There are milestones in our lives that define us, that allows us to close one chapter and begin another. Some milestones allow more than closure of chapter, but a closure of a volume of chapters and the beginning of a new story.
As a military family, it seems we often close volumes, containing stories and chapters of this or that duty station, of this deployment or that reintegration process. There are stories about family vacations, and traveling Europe, and moving, and packing up this house, and buying that house. All of these stories containing the smiles, tears and joys of living and breathing the life of a military family.
This week my other half, and by proxy the rest of my family, closed an important volume this week. After almost 20 years of blood (not hers), sweat and tears, we closed the volume on the former spouse (FS). This week he signed what should be the LAST court order, the LAST suit, the LAST shake down for more "entitlement" payouts. And I have to say- I couldn't be happier!!!!! Well maybe I could be if we won the lottery right now! *wink*
I won't divulge too many details, as they are not mine to share, but I will share MY experiences. Since I started dating my Hubby it has been an assortment of threats, modifications, suits, contempt orders, shake downs for money, missed visitations, claims of adoption, denial of parental rights, harassment of employers, outright lies, a parade of attorneys, nasty emails, ill wishes, and sense of impending doom that comes with all of this. It seemed like just when things were settling down to a sense of normalcy, she was at it again. Her demands and threats as inconsistent as the winter in the south. Her only consistency was the underlying motivation, which I believe was to stay relevant in our (Hubby's) life.
This week, it all ended. Hubby signed that last piece of paperwork that liberated our family from the chains of bondage to that woman. (And I use those words lightly.)
So we should be ecstatic right!? Celebrations. Parades. Drinks and "Round is on me!" Clapping. Confetti. Not so much.
No war is won without casualties. No battle is fought that doesn't have some collateral damage.
The latest victim: the Father-Son Relationship.
I'm not sure how they will repair this rift or if it has a fix. Sometimes flat tires can't be patched, you just need to buy a new tire. I'm not suggesting he "buy" a new son, but it may be that this relationship has no repair and that instead they will need to build a new one. Start from scratch. Build from the ground up.
I don't have the answers, but what I do know is that I can hear the hurt in what hubby doesn't say. I see the pain of losing his son masked behind the joy of closing the volumes of chapters that include the former spouse.
I can only hope that Son2 can understand the pain he caused, and own his part in this. I can only hope that Son2 can see the choices he made led to this final destruction. I can only hope Son2 will learn that children of divorced parents need to stick up for their separate relationships with each parent. I can only hope that Son2 never experiences the pain and heartache of divorce and the struggles that can accompany the process if the bitterness remains.
For my husband, I hope his pain and anger subside to a level that is manageable. I hope his rage against the situation doesn't consume him from the inside out. Most importantly I hope he learns to forgive her and Son2. There is no healing without forgiveness, and there is no peace without healing.
As for my family as a whole, we'll be ok. We'll be ok because we are closing this chapter. We are finishing this storyline. We will be ok, because today is the start of a new chapter. Today we turn the page, and all we see is a clean sheet. Today we start a new story- one that doesn't include....who again? *wink*