Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Waging a War

Yup, I'm waging a war. A prolonged, aggressive conflict between two countries or states resulting in possibly complete destruction of one or both.

Yea that about sums it up. I have declared war on the f-ing pigeons who have decided to take up residence in the beams of my rented German A frame house.

Now it seems dramatic that I would call this a war. However, when you see the pictures of what these fuckers are doing, you will agree that war is the only solution.

There will be casualties, and people may get hurt. But I vow to make my home safe from the pigeons who have moved in.

So let's back this up about 8 months ago when we moved in. The pigeons were here. We realized that where they have made their nest was virtually impossible to reach. No ladder could reach that high and the attic window doesn't open.

Those options were a bust. Despite our desire to get them out of that area, we let them be because the pigeon poop was falling below on rocks and not really making too big a mess.

So they stayed there. All of what remained of summer. All through fall. Even through the winter.

This spring they had babies. Still nesting in the tallest part of the frame of the house.

Then I guess the bitchy female pigeon decided she wanted a new nesting place for this year. And they parked themselves on one of the lower rafters of the house.

This is a problem. This is a HUGE problem.

The lower beam they have parked themselves on is directly in the pathway into the house. Their shit falls directly below in high traffic area. Look at what they are doing.

So the pigeon poop is landing on my mailbox and the ground below. Not to mention that when cars are parked side by side in the driveway, one of the vehicles is in the direct line of the shit bombs. I made the mistake of parking my brand new car on that side only to come out the next morning to find beautiful white pigeon droppings on my Deep Sea Blue car.

You would think pigeon poop on my new car would be the last straw. Nope. The final straw was the planter you sorta see in the picture above. It has the most amazing purple flowers I have ever seen. The color can only exist in nature because Crayola can't even perfect this color. Anyways....It was close to but not directly in the line of poopsville. But these fuckers managed to shit on my plant anyways!

My beautiful flowers they are attempting to shit on!

THAT'S IT! I have decided the pigeons MUST GO!

I have tried hosing down their nest, to no avail. My water stream doesn't reach that high. I wind up soaked with them cooing nasty messages at me.

I've tried Alka Seltzer. They aren't eating it and the rain is dissolving it into my flower beds.

I am not sure what else to do. So I have enlisted the assistance of a mercenary. A friend of ours just got his latest AirSoft gun, and I think that is the next step in this war.

Before I go Rambo on these pigeons, if you have a better solution to get them to move and not hurt them....I'm all ears. Suggest away. I will try it. If you have any ideas on how to spook them, or can think of a way to get them outta there, PLEASE PLEASE let me know.

Otherwise I see no other alternative.

This shit has to end.

I'll get you and your buddies!

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  1. I fully agree they are asking for war!

  2. This is hilarious! I am glad I am in the states away from Rambo and pigeon shit!