Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Bullet Stopping Blubber

You may or may not remember that I started working out in January. It's going great! Thanks for asking. I've recently joined Weight Watchers, and I have lost 6 pounds on it in the last two weeks. Not to mention that my P90X-Insanity hybrid workout is putting a hurtin' on me. I'm usually pretty damned tired when I am done.

My kids have been pretty oblivious to the whole thing. I work out when they are in school and generally don't bother them with the details of my workout. I don't always need the brutal honesty that comes from the mouth of babes. Apparently I get it whether I wanted it or not.

Yesterday Bear comes home from school and we are sitting at the desk chit-chatting. He is telling me about his "boring" day at school, and I'm cracking smart ass comments about his Handout Queen teacher. Sounds like a little bonding? Nice pleasant conversation? Sweet.

Yea. Right.

All of sudden he turns and grabs my "love handles" and starts pinching and twisting. The cutesy conversation took a detour that I didn't see coming. It was downhill from there. The rest went something like this:

"Can you feel that?"

"Umm yea I can feel it, but it doesn't hurt."

He starts doing it harder.

"Dude. What the hell? Are you trying to hurt me?"

"It's blubber Mom. Blubber. Blubber. Blubber"

"Thanks Bear."

"I bet you could stop a bullet with this blubber."

"Your ass better hope I don't have to today you little shit!"

Incredulous,  "What??!!??"

Really? Same kid who this morning wanted to make sure I got Ms. Jill to help me make his birthday cupcakes for Friday.

"I think I can handle 25 cupcakes, Bear." 

"Ms. Jill makes good cupcakes."

Great. Epic fail at losing weight. Epic epic fail at making cupcakes.

I think I'm going to start rationing his words for the day.

*like it when you it when you comment!*


  1. Aren't you glad you get to be home with them so much? I really enjoy your blog. Don't think I have the talent to do one.

  2. But they don't mean it like that....

    Conversation w/Chase after I did something great....

    Me: Who's the coolest Mom ever?
    C: Well, Mrs. M is pretty cool.
    Me: What?
    C: Just 'cause she's in her late 20's...and you're like....Yoda
    Me: Seriously, Yoda?
    C: Well, like Yoda on a Harley.

    ...and he didn't mean I was WISE.... look great!

  3. #1 - No one is looking at your love handles, babe, they're too busy looking at your fantastic rack.

    #2 - Remind the boy that you brought him into this world and you can take him out.


    1. Is that my fantastic rack of teeth or tits Robin? LOL