I want to be good at something. I want to have a talent. I wanted this blog to be my aha moment. I wanted my life to amount to something.
I am not dying. I am relatively healthy, minus the severe allergies and asthma. I have gainful employment, well at least until June when my teaching contract is up. The kids are healthy and hubby is perfectly ok as well. So what then you ask?
What? That's it. What now?
I feel idle. Not bored, but idle. Like I am not sure what my purpose is in life. I am not sure why I was put on this Earth. I am trying to find the answer to my existential question: Why am I here? What am I meant to accomplish?
So I teach myself how crochet. (Thanks YouTube!) I join a 365 Photo-A-Day group. I fall off and get back on the exercise bandwagon. I travel. I attempt my hand at new languages. I blog (although I haven't done this in quite some time.) I volunteer with Boy Scouts. I volunteer to coordinate a Prom. I over-task myself.
I want to be relevant. I want my life to be relevant. I want to matter.
The irony? In my quest to matter, in my endeavor to over-task myself, I become irrelevant!
How delicious! None of it matters!
So what's next?
Maybe I will learn to play an instrument.