I want to be good at something. I want to have a talent. I wanted this blog to be my aha moment. I wanted my life to amount to something.
I am not dying. I am relatively healthy, minus the severe allergies and asthma. I have gainful employment, well at least until June when my teaching contract is up. The kids are healthy and hubby is perfectly ok as well. So what then you ask?
What? That's it. What now?
I feel idle. Not bored, but idle. Like I am not sure what my purpose is in life. I am not sure why I was put on this Earth. I am trying to find the answer to my existential question: Why am I here? What am I meant to accomplish?
So I teach myself how crochet. (Thanks YouTube!) I join a 365 Photo-A-Day group. I fall off and get back on the exercise bandwagon. I travel. I attempt my hand at new languages. I blog (although I haven't done this in quite some time.) I volunteer with Boy Scouts. I volunteer to coordinate a Prom. I over-task myself.
I want to be relevant. I want my life to be relevant. I want to matter.
The irony? In my quest to matter, in my endeavor to over-task myself, I become irrelevant!
How delicious! None of it matters!
So what's next?
Maybe I will learn to play an instrument.
An instrument might be good... or what about painting or sculpting or pottery? That way you'd have something to show for your efforts.
ReplyDeleteHave you thought about more school? Becoming a guidance counselor? Or some other sort of counselor?
- Robin
Oh man, do I understand what you are saying! Struggling with the same thing myself.
ReplyDeleteWell I know you did a great job with Prom. You are the Prom Pro!!! Love you, Mel!
ReplyDeleteOh I so understand. I think the crazy part is we aren't even in much control over our purpose or what we accomplish, I think it happens along the way when we aren't looking ;)
ReplyDeleteCarrie, the Just Mildly Medicated gal.