Bright Ideas

New Year's and the damn resolutions. Who's idea is that anyways? Overzealous people trying to make the whole world miserable. 

This year I joined a new bandwagon. I decided that I wasn't resolving to get fit, but instead resolving to change my lifestyle. Sounds so deep and introspective doesn't it? It was. Let's just see how long it lasts. 

My friend Jill and I decided that with all the time we had on our hands, and I don't mean a few hours but Desperate Housewives amount of time, that we should make good use of our time and train for a triathlon. Jill was a tri vet, and I was willing to try. Together we would be great motivation for each other. Right? It's comical more than anything, and most days we are like Mutt & Jeff. 

Regardless, we have been pretty steady at working out since January. However, we have not really done the whole change the way you eat part. We have been absolutely HORRID about what we shovel in, shovel being the operative word here. Often times leaving the gym to sit and eat at Chili's. 

Don't judge. It's not our fault. Who in the hell puts a Chili's across the parking lot from a gym? It was either Chili's or Popeye's. I think we made a pretty damn good choice given our options. (Well we thought we were making the better choice.) We always went in with good intentions, and 9 times out of 10 we ordered salads. Awesome! 

Except, we weren't seeing any results. 

So I was talking to my BFF back in the states and she mentioned having recently lost 32 pounds with Weight Watchers. Yup, the light bulb went off in my brain. I thought 'hell that is what I need!' I need to monitor what I eat, count some points, rack up the weight loss. Yeah! That's it!

So I joined Weight Watchers online. Then I looked into the salads we have been ordering at Chili's, just for shits and giggles. I can't remember what came first: the shits or the giggles. 

Quesadilla Explosion salad from Chili's: 906 calories. 

Who the f*ck can pack that many calories into a damned salad? Only a chain restaurant. And why call it a salad? Why not call it "Whole day's caloric intake Bowl"? Yea not so catchy. 

I don't think I could have picked a more crappy salad to order at Chili's, it they had disclosed the caloric intake. I feel like a dumb ass! The damned burgers have less calories!

Chili's you broke my heart. 

And the bright ideas just kept on coming... We didn't stop with Weight Watchers. We decided we needed to up our game. Really get into losing weight. We were gonna do this! YEAH!

There I was looking on the internet for ways to shed pounds and potentially kill ourselves. Found it! A P90X-Insanity Hybrid Workout. Heard of P90X but not so sure about Insanity? Look at the name they gave it, it says it all. Lucky, or unlucky for me, we have both sets of DVDs in my home. 

Yea, we started that on Monday. All I can say is HOLY HELL! I am so sore from Day 1 of P90X and Day 2 of Insanity. I am so sore that typing feels like a cardio workout for my arms. 

Tomorrow is Day 3 and we will see how that goes. I believe we are working back and arms. I'm going to "Give it my best and forget the rest" and "Dig Deep". Let's see what other bright ideas I come up with. I am praying my light bulb stays dim, and no more a-ha revelations. Not sure my body can handle it. 

Catholic Guilt

Yes. I am a recovering Catholic. I say that with as much lightheartedness as one can muster. I believe in God, and Jesus, and for the most part I try to be a decent Christian. (Yes, for the most part, because sometimes I'm a hateful bitch, and it's the furthest from Christian you will see.)

What I can't wrap my head around is religion. Religion upsets me. Catholicism especially. It is so rigid, and based on so many traditions that make little sense to me.

See I was raised Catholic. Catholics raised in the 'old' generation were raised on good old fashion guilt. If you're Catholic, you know exactly what I mean.

After years of private Catholic school, and the nuns... yes the nuns, I'm a bit traumatized. (All Catholics who went to Catholic school just did a collective shudder. The nuns still scare us!) After years of religiosity, I can't seem to be able to practice my faith. I can't get past the punishing God idea. As a child I don't remember being aware of the merciful side of God. Of course now as an adult, I KNOW there is mercy because I have been at the receiving end of that mercy.

The worst part is the Catholic guilt I feel.

I feel guilty for not raising my children in the Catholic faith, especially when someone makes a Biblical reference and my children are clueless. My son isn't even baptized. *deep sigh*

I feel guilty that I don't go to church. I don't even do the special church days like Christmas and Easter.

I feel guilty that I try to give something up for Lent, and always fail miserably. I console myself by saying: "It's not like you are a practicing Catholic anyways!"

I feel guilty that I love visiting churches and collecting rosaries, but haven't said a rosary in over 20 years.

I feel guilty that my analytical History teacher mind questions the veracity of the Bible and of the religious practices created by the Catholic Church.

I feel guilty that I question my religion and faith, and that is why I don't practice it.

I feel guilty when I try to "test drive" other churches. I feel more guilt when I have enjoyed attending a service at someplace other than a Catholic mass.

I feel guilty when I get angry at those people that post long Biblical verses or prayers on their FB. I feel like they are showing off their faith, and it makes me mad which in turn fuels my guilt.

Then I feel guilty for feeling guilty and the cycle begins again.

I want my faith to bring me peace. I want to practice a religion that brings me closer to God, not closer to rituals and symbology. I want to my children to understand what it means to be a good Christian and what it means to live a life in Faith. I also want them to understand the history of the Catholic Church and what it has meant through the ages. I just can't seem to find that balance between faith and religion.

Do you have problems with your faith? Do you find it harder to practice the older you get? How have you raised your children in faith? Do you experience guilt over your faith and/or religion?


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Hey, It's Okay

So the Whispering Writer has her "Hey, It's Ok" weekly posts and I am joining in this week!

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Hey It's Okay...

To be frustrated that flags were flown at half mast for Whitney Houston. She was a great singer who wrecked her career by using drugs, why are we glorifying that?

To have watched the first 3 seasons of True Blood in a week and feel slightly addicted to the show. Can't wait for my next fix of V.

To get pissed at those people who have that obnoxiously loud conversation in a store or patient waiting room. You know the kind of conversation that everyone feels they are a part of because they are talking octaves above normal? I just want to scream and tell them that no one cares so STFU!

That my son had a Nerf gun war weeks ago, and I am still recovering Nerf darts from behind and underneath the furniture. I think those darts reproduce on their own.

That after I can't find matches to socks I just dump them in a sock basket. I think there is a dryer conspiracy with the sock company. The dryer loses them so that you have to buy new batches of socks. Isn't that what the lint trap is- missing socks?

To force feed my child some traveling fun, he can't always be glued to the Xbox. It is forced family adventures, and he will like it dammit.

To be completely in love with my Apple products. I am not sure what I did before I became Apple whore, which has only been in the last 7 months. I love my iPhone, iPod, iPad, iMac. What will I do if they take away my i's?

To have a ghost IP address so that I can watch Hulu. How else will I get American TV in Germany?

To miss my hubby so much that it aches, which in turn makes me bitchy. I hate being bitchy!

To really have taken a liking to this Pinterest thing! My daughter thinks I am social media whore. She could be right.





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Thanks for the cheap chocolates

Yes, it's Valentine's Day. A Day for roses, chocolates, big massive balloons that are shaped like DSLs (check out Urban Dictionary if you don't know what DSLs are), and other stupid heart shaped crap. A day, during one of the crappiest months of the year, where you can wear head-to-toe pink or red, and not feel like a used tampon.

Don't get me wrong. I have love in my life. I am in a committed, happy marriage to a man I consider my best friend. I have two great children whom I love and for the most part love me back. Its just that I get so pissy with all the commercialization of holidays and V-Day is the worst. The flowers, balloons, chocolate hearts with messages inside the foils, and the nasty little candy hearts that make your teeth feel like you bit into styrofoam. All of it is a ploy to get you to spend money just a few short weeks after you blew your Christmas wad.

Again, it sounds bitter, and I am not. I just think that maybe flowers on any other day speaks louder than flowers on February 14th. Those are the flowers that truly say I love you every day for all the little things you do. The flowers on February 14th say to me "shit, if I don't get you anything on Valentine's Day, I'm THAT shit bag husband!"

Chocolates when you come home from a business trip. Yummy! That screams "I missed you and I'm happy the kids are still alive and you're not in a psych ward." Chocolates on Valentine's Day mumble sweet nothings, emphasis on the nothings.

I just sometimes wish holidays were more about the meaning and less about the show. Show me you love me everyday and not just one day of the year because Hallmark and American Greeetings reminds you to. Just sayin....



oooohhhhh....someone on another blog said it best.... I have CHEAP chocolate to look forward to tomorrow! YES!


What are your feelings about Valentine's Day?






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