The Uniqueness of Military Friendships

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." C.S. Lewis

As a MilSpouse, friendship is necessary to your daily survival in the world of PCS's, deployments and military life. Make no mistake establishing and maintaining friendships is not always an easy task. It can be difficult, scary, and even heartbreaking. Let's not forget rewarding, but most importantly it's essential to our survival through military life. In our world, no friends can equal no sanity. 

Building friendships is made more difficult because we don't have the luxury of permanence. It's not a word that is part of our military vernacular. You don't get to stay in the same neighborhood for years and watch your children grow up with the neighborhood kids. Your children don't have the luxury of staying in the same school system their entire educational career. You don't have the luxury of keeping the same job for more than a few years. Moving, changing, uprooting, new schools, new jobs, new units- that's permanent.  The only real constant is change. 

I've been a military spouse (on and off) for the last 20 years. I was young and naive when I said yes to the military, and I had no idea what to expect from this lifestyle. Hell, I'm not sure I even grasped the idea that it was a "lifestyle", and not just my spouse's career choice. Either way, my first move was from the town I call home (click here to understand) to hubby's duty station. It was at Fort Campbell that I made my first military friends. 

What makes these friendships unique? 

While not all MilSpouses form bonds and friendships in the same manner, I believe there are a few things that seem to be shared across the board. 

• The need for friends is more urgent.
• You give of yourself more freely because you understand that time is finite, and everything is short lived.
• Every duty station presents it's own challenges, which force you to look for friends to fulfill different needs. 
• Every new move and new duty location is the passage of the last one, and along with it, the change in dynamics of those friendships left behind.
• Mourning those losses requires the hope of new relationships. 

It's because of this that military friendships are a breed of friendships unto themselves. 

Quick, Fast, and in a Hurry

Let's face it, military families are at a duty station for 3-4 years, 5 or 6 if we're lucky. We need to spend time with someone other than our spouse and kids. 

We need to be able to have a lunch date, or dinner, or drinks, or shopping, or anything seemingly adult- like in nature.

We need to have other moms and dads to vent to about our kids. We need to listen to their horror stories, helping us to realize that our hellions aren't really all that bad. We need to get advice from other moms who have "been there, done that."

We need to feel connected and part of a community. It's the only way to make this new location really feel like home. It's what will make the time meaningful and lasting, for us and for our families.

If we wait too long to make friends, it will be PCS time and we'll be moving again. Or worse, we'll have a deployed spouse and no friends. Trust me- that's not fun. 

So we make friends and fast. As MilSpouses we don't have the luxury of getting to know people over the course of years. It's like speed dating. We let ourselves hang out there in the hopes that we will make connections and friendships that will last, if not last, at least help us cope and survive. 

Open Books

Since time is of the essence in building these friendships, we I tend to be an open book. What you see, is what you get. This MilSpouse doesn't have time to deal with false niceties and pretenses. I want to know if you are someone I can spend time with and be myself. 

I want to know that you share my parenting values, that we have things in common, that you like to drink wine and/or beer. (Wine and beer are important things to find out in the speed friending rounds!)

I want to know if our kids get along. 

I want to know if our husband will 'play nice' together as well. 

For this reason, I'm open and honest, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can't afford not to be me, or to see you for you. "Ain't nobody got time for that!" 

I find many MilSpouses are open, honest, and welcoming. They are willing to let you in and form lasting bonds.

Understanding the Demands

We understand that every duty station presents its own demands, and requires adjustments. Because we know this, military friendships are understanding. They are flexible. They are just what the doctor ordered at that particular assignment. 

We are like the old psychic hotlines! We have experienced so much over the course of military lives that we either have the been there done that shirts, or we know a friend who had it happened to them. We know what it's like to have to find new schools for our children. We know what it's like to have a husband deploy for 6 months or 16 months. 

There is an inherent understanding of the way our lives operate that makes it easier to relate and connect with another.

So long, farewell and goodbye 

Goodbyes are inevitable. In our lives, they are as sure as the sun rising. 

It's the three letters that will change the dynamics of military friendships: PCS. You know the moving truck will come, packers will box everything, and you can expect a stay at lodging or a hotel as you transition from one post to the next. 

Along with moving trucks, comes the long string of goodbyes that seemingly takes days to complete. You also know that some of these goodbyes are permanent.

There are friends you positively know you will see again. You will speak often, and even plan to vacation with them in the future. 

There are those friends that you will miss, but you also know that time and distance will change your friendship. You know the friendship was meaningful and lived its life to the fullest, but will no longer be with you. You know that Facebook and other social media will allow you keep in touch with all the people you have met along the way, but you know that few will remain truly close. Its not personal, it's the nature of this life.

It's the nature of military friendship, they are meant to help us through and to allow us to connect, but not all are meant to last.  When we get to the new location, we mourn those losses. We miss our friends. We miss our old life. Mourn it, you're we're allowed to. 

And that's ok. There are new friendships on the horizon of a new state, new location, new assignment, new life. It was beautiful while it lasted, and this too shall be a great adventure. 

The bottom line is I disagree with C.S.Lewis. Friendship is essential to the survival of the military spouse, and military life. I can't think of a single MilSpouse that ever made it through on their own. Our identities are tied to the variety of people who have touched us throughout the tenure of our military lives. Embrace the friendships, they are the key to survival.

The Choice of Motherhood

Sometimes I write, and it seems more like a confessional than a blog. I'm always honest, but never hurtful. I wrote this on Mother's Day, but waited to post this because I didn't want to offend anyone or upset any Moms out there. So here it is now, my original Mother's Day post.

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Every year on the second Sunday in May we honor Mothers all across the country. We buy cards, flowers, and gifts of love showing our support and undying love and devotion to our mothers, grandmothers, aunt, and women who have influenced us as only a mother would or could do.

Going through any card aisle you can read a million cards with all sorts of sentiments that range from very mush and sappy to simple and nondescript.

There are flowers and bouquets of all colors and price ranges.

There are brunches you can attend, and gifts of chocolate strawberries that can be delivered to Mom. There is no end to the possibilities to say "I Love You, Mom!" through a gift or bouquet.

Despite everything we attempt to say on Mother's Day, for me the little things we don't say speak volumes louder. What we don't talk about on Mother's Day is the choice to be a mother. I can't think of a choice in life that defines or redefines- depending on your age- the rest of your life more than the choice to be a mother.

I think we overlook the fact that choice isn't just about whether or not to have the child, but it's about how you will raise that child. The sacrifices you are going to be willing to make for that child; the changes you will make to your life to accommodate every need of that human being.

It's no secret if you know me or have read this blog before, I started motherhood young. I was pregnant at 19 and the Princess was born when I was 20. I was married and so the "choice" to keep the baby was never really discussed as it was always a resounding "Of course we are having the baby!" We were truly ecstatic!

However, the conscious choice I did make was to make sure that NO MATTER what I would always be a good mother. That was a choice I made.

I made sacrifices, changed plans, and revised career tracks to accommodate this beautiful being I brought into this world. I made certain she was always first in my world and nothing else mattered. The same was true for when my son was born. His early education was a challenge and I learned more about mothering than I thought possible, but I made the choice to be a good parent. I have poured my heart and soul into my children, and the pay off has been immeasurable.

I have a great relationship with both my son and daughter. They are warm, kind, smart, witty, responsible, head-strong, courageous, compassionate, and everything else a mother could hope for in her children. I truly believe they are a direct reflection of the choices I've made during the journey of motherhood. My good choices have resulted in great children!

I don't say this as a pat on my back or to champion myself as an awesome testament to motherhood.

I say this because not every mother-child relationship is quite as blessed. Not every mother made the choice to be a good mother, and I get tired of people dismissing poor parenting with the banal excuse of "they did the best they could".

Did they? Did they really make the selfless sacrifice of being a good parent? Did they really make decisions that would help their child grow in a loving family? Or did their selfish choices hinder their child's growth? Were they a good role model for their children? Did they do everything possible to be the best version of themselves they could be in order to be the best parent possible?

Few people have the courage to ask themselves these questions. Fewer people ever want to find out the answers.

So tonight before I close my eyes on Mother's Day 2014, I ask myself "am I making a choice to be a good parent?"

The answer is a resounding YES!

Click here to VOTE, please! :)

60 Day Challenge

So of course, you know I am obsessed with losing weight. Ok so obsession is a bit harsh, but it does seem like an obsession because I can't let go of the idea that I'm not the best me that I can be. Anyways, I have posted quite a few time that I'm starting over and trying again. Usually it's January and it's some stupid resolution. Blah blah blah. I also start and never finish. We seem to have a pattern here, huh?

Well now I am starting again, in April, right before summer break, and I am hoping that this will work. After arriving here stateside, I have effectively gained 15 lbs. Ouch! I know, I know. Totally self-inflicted. I get it!

I was recently asked by an old friend to join this 60-day weight loss, life-style altering challenge. She claimed the program she was using actually worked for her. Now mind you, she is slender and really probably could have lost 5 lbs calibrating her scale, I mean that is how small she is, but oh well. As it was, I was already looking into purchasing the Shaun-T T25 program, which is part of the Beachbody line, so it seemed like a win win for me! I joined the challenge, purchased the DVDs and joined the FB page.

This week starts the prep week of the 60-day challenge.  The group and coaches are getting everyone in the mindset, helping us in understanding the programs, and offering helpful hints to keep everyone on track. It really seems like it will be a supportive group. I created my first YouTube video in order to introduce myself and well I'm not working, have time, and have minimal excuses. It's now or never folks. 

At any rate, I plan on posting my daily food, exercise journal here. Let's see how that goes. I'm trying to stay accountable to the group and myself. I even have my best friend in PA joining in on the exercise with me! It should be exactly what I need! 

I'll keep you posted! Here is to post #1 on the road to the Challenge.

Hey It's NOT always Ok, Sometimes It's Ugh

Hey Hey everyone! So my fellow blogger Amber does a Tuesday piece called "Hey It's Ok." She got the idea from Glamour magazine and it lists things to be okay about. I occasionally join in, but I am always a day late and a dollar short. So here is my latest installment of "Hey It's Ok" on Wednesday.

I need to preface this Ok piece with the fact that I have been under an incredible amount of stress lately. So this might seem ugly or harsh or maybe even angry.... be warned! 

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It's Ok...

... to get so frustrated and angry with my 13 year old son that I call him a "dick" or an "asshole." Probably not the best parenting, but it sure does beat spanking him. 

.... to have purchased so much new furniture for the house that I am afraid that when they deliver it, I won't have enough room. 

... to be so pissed at the realtors for not being considerate enough to call me to cancel an appointment this afternoon. 

.... to be grateful my husband had the presence of mind to call and confirm the realtor walk-through appointment this afternoon. Yea, that's how we found out they wouldn't have the house ready for the final walk-through. 

Photo by the OwnerBuilder Network

.... to be REALLY excited about our new house despite how long it seems to be taking to close on this damn thing! 

.... to be REALLY REALLY excited about planning my outdoor projects: flower beds, mulching, butterfly bushes, upright garden and that's just my spring projects! 

.... to have my Pinterest rehab project in mind: rehabbing an old window frame. Can't wait!

.... to be ready to have my own things around me. It's weird how material objects help you feel more connected to yourself and make you feel "at home".

.... to be ready to start running again. I have found at least 1 race a month that I plan on joining. I need the motivation. My first one: The Big Nasty Mud Run on April 5th!

.... to NOT be impressed at all with hubby's newest show "addiction"- Storage Wars. Ugh that show is  just unit after unit of shit left behind by Californians. 

.... to be BE impressed with this year's American Idol. Sadly, it's the only one I have ever watched passed the auditions. Hah!

.... to be bored with The Walking Dead. I totally get character development, and I honestly have been very impressed with the writing and acting. However, I'm waiting for the group to reconvene and I'm getting impatient. Actually I'm friggin' worried that it will be the season finale and then they will regroup and I'll have to wait until next season. Shit!

.... to be angry that every damn PCS has its challenges and I'm ready for this move to over with, pronto. Oddly enough, as a military spouse you would think I was more open to change- well guess what, change sucks! 

.... to be ready for the weekend.... since Monday.  

What I "think" I will miss about living in Germany

** I started this post the day before we left. I know you know what happened. Life. Traveling got hectic. PCSing got in the way. The transition was a hot mess. 

Here is the completed post. Now that I have been back stateside for almost 3 weeks, I will write another with the stuff I didn't realize I missed about Germany.**

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As I check off my final To Do list before we are no longer expats, I am trying to process all the things I know I will miss about living in Europe Germany. Today is our last FULL day in Germany, as tomorrow we start our trek back to stateside living.  I'm feeling excited for the new chapter in our lives, and yet there is something sad about closing this chapter. Of course there is the usual of leaving friends you made, and the ever stressful actual move and relocation. 

But it's more than just the usual PCS jitters. 

I lived in Germany. I lived in Europe. I am was, and perhaps will always be, an expat. There is something so rewarding about living abroad and experiencing life through different cultures. It was overwhelming and remarkable, and truly eye-opening. I have learned more about my country, my beliefs, my understanding of the Old World, and I have truly learned how to live like a European. 

At this point, all I can say is Thank You. Thanks to everyone who made my years here special. Thanks to my husband for the special sacrifices he made to make this European tour possible- it cost him more than he bargained for. Thanks to all the people I met along the way that made my time here so memorable. I will miss it, and here are some of the things I believe I'll miss the most. 

So without further rambling- here is what I think I am going to miss the most. We'll see if that remains the same once I get home. Here we go (in no particular order):

1. Cleanliness 

Yes, it's really clean here! That's not to say there aren't slums or dirty areas, but by and large European countries are pretty clean. The cleanest countries we visited were Germany, Switzerland and Austria. 

I wondered about why this phenomenon doesn't exist in America, and it came to me after a visit to NYC: the recycle program in Germany. 

At first I thought I was going to lose my mind trying to figure out what went in which bag, bin or sack. There are blue bins, black bins, glass bins, recycle bins and brown bins- and that's just what I was recycling. There are pfands for bottles and places to recycle glass- of course by color. It's cumbersome, at times frustrating (especially when your bins are full and it's still 5 days before pick-up), and more importantly it's the LAW. Just in case you didn't know, Europeans (specifically Germans) are all about following the rules. 

Getting back to the cleanliness- people not only follow the rules of recycling, but they take pride in doing so. You will see the Fraus out on Saturday sweeping their front steps and even their curbs. You don't see people working on their vehicles in their yards, leaving oil spills and old unusable tires in their lawns. And you never see people fling trash out their windows in cars. Hell you don't drive down the autobahn and see roadside trash. Come to think of it, you never even see road gators, dead animals or unidentifiable road kill. Unheard of. 

As a result, shit stays clean and I love the clean living!

2. Beer and all things bier.

So I'm gonna put this in print, and admit to it. I was NOT a beer drinker before coming to Germany. Now I LOVE beer. Delicious German beer! Delicious Belgian beer! It's really a toss up which I like better. Either way, I'm a beer drinker and proud of it!

German beer is a food group here. It has history, class and goes well with everything. Germans make beer drinking look like an Olympic sport, and they are more than happy to share with anyone willing to sidle up and train your liver. Germans pride themselves in their beer making prowess. So much so that there are laws on the books from the 1600s that guide beer making principles. That my friends is the true art of beer making. Bier is good! 

And of course because beer is good and plentiful, it's inexpensive. Now stateside inexpensive beer is usually crappy beer. Not here. Here you can purchase a beer for about 1 euro for a half liter bottle, and it's actually good beer. In many restaurants beer is cheaper than cola (soda), if that tells you anything. 

I will miss the lovely biergartens and the ability to sit and "linger" for hours with a beverage, friends and enjoying the great outdoors. I will miss all things bier. Thanks Germany for making me a believer. 

3. Fest, Fests and more Fests.

Germany, and as much as I can tell from my travels, Europe as a whole loves to "festival". There are wine fests, Easter fests, music fests, fall fests, and so many other festivals. You can literally find something to attend virtually every weekend. It's a celebration of everything from life, to seasons, to harvests to ancient celebrations of towns, to the celebration of foods and drinks. 

I didn't attend one festival that didn't entice and appeal to every one of my senses. The sights of the beautiful landscapes and smells of the tasty food. It all comes together in such a wonderful way that it leaves you wanting more! 

Of course the most world renowned festival in Germany is Munich's Oktoberfest, and that is a great example of festivals done right. However there are so many other festivals that are smaller in size but grander in scale and amusement. Some of the others area the international beer festival Bierbörse, which an amazing traveling festival that showcases beer from all over Europe. There are also Easter markets, which aren't huge markets, but they sell some of the most amazing hand-painted eggs you will ever come across. 

Probably the best part of festivals in Europe is that they are FREE! Yes, I said the magic words. Every fair we attended was free of charge. You can walk around and enjoy the festival at no charge. The only thing you pay for is food and drink. Don't get me wrong you can spend a small fortune eating and drinking your way through a festival, but that's the point right? You want to try every food stand and drink all the beer and wine you possibly can!

All I can say is that while we do the festival thing in the states, we don't seem to be able to incorporate the food, the drink and the ambiance that Europe has mastered. Perhaps as we age as a country, our festival-ness will mature as well. Which leads me to my next point….

4. Old-ness of Old World living… and the Pride that goes with it 

They say age is nothing but a number, and while that may hold true for the dating scene, that adage is completely unfounded when it comes to the history and culture of a region or country. Europe has age, experience, and history in spades. 

I've always loved history, it's my thing. So when we found out we were moving to Europe, specifically Germany, I was elated about the prospects of learning more history. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would get to visit so many cool places. I don't think I fully grasped the concept of 'old' until we visited cities who celebrated their 900th birthday, or had Roman ruins, or even a 2,000th birthday in 1984! The oldest city in Germany, Trier, was is one of my favorite places to visit and take visitors. It has an awesome pedestrian walkway lined with shops on either side. The cathedral and basilica are sites to behold, and the most amazing thing is that is was heavily bombed during WWII and has been rebuilt to feel older than the remnants of that devastation. 

This age is only rivaled by the pride that Germans, and Europeans at large, have for their villages, cities and countries. You see this pride in the way they care for their cities. How they care for their public spaces, and create public spaces that everyone can enjoy. From comprehensive bike trails that traverse the country, to walking trails that provide countless hours of exercise and entertainment, their's is a deep seeded pride for their surroundings that unfortunately don't see everywhere in America.  They sort their trash and recycle not only as part of the law but as part of their environmental awareness. You will see the pride they take in their personal possessions and how they care for their things. And this pride doesn't stop with their country and possessions, but in how they carry themselves and how they act. Germans will be loud and rowdy, but in a bar or in a drinking tent. You don't often hear Germans being rowdy in a group. You almost always hear Americans coming down the street. Germans don't go out in sweats and sneakers, that attire is for the gym or working out- maybe it stylistic or maybe it's about pride in appearance. Culturally there seems to be a greater sense of "this is ours and we take care it", and that translates into almost everything they do. 

5. Wine: Taste, Price and all things Wine

Wine is cheaper than water. I'm guessing because not only can we drive about 30 minutes to the local Cora and buy French wine for next to nothing, but Germany does a pretty bang up job of producing it's own fantastic wine. Most people associate fine wine with France, and their wonderful Bordeaux wines. Or even Italy with their magnificent Pinot Grigio, for the white lovers, or one of my favorites Sangiovese. However, I would be doing Germany such a disservice if I didn't mention her wine region along the rivers Rhine and Mosel. Some of my favorite German wines are Rieslings and Dornfelders. Of course I can't speak of wine in Germany without mentioning glühwein. 

Now onto to prices.... when I think cheap wine in the states, the back of my mouth waters and I get the distinct urge to throw up Boone's Farm or Arbor Mist. (No offense to all the Farmers and Misters out there who still call that fine wine.) However, in Germany, or Europe, wine doesn't have to be expensive to be good, no not good-great! It's just the way it is. 

Now take this heavenly grape elixir of the gods and give it a festival, and well you have the making of two of the best things: wine & festivals. What more can I say about this? Great taste, great price, and celebrations- winning!

6. Pace of Life

Germans have an automatic reset button- it's called Sunday. Sundays are reserved for quiet, peaceful nothingness. You can't do work or really make noise on Sundays. The countryside is quiet and tranquil. Going for a Sunday drive means you aren't competing with trucks as they are not allowed on the roads or to work on Sundays (special permits withstanding). Nothing but a quiet peaceful country.

When we first got here I didn't appreciate, hell I didn't like it. But after learning to work around the store closures, you really start to enjoy the idea of the easy button, the reset that comes with being forced to do "something" else on Sundays. We learned to go out on walks, hikes, runs, bike rides, or just enjoy each other's company. Who knew, right?

Now this different pace of life isn't reserved for one day of the week. Germans, on the whole, work hard during their business hours, which are much less than American business hours. They also take what seems like, a ton of time off.  You can walk down any pedestrian strasse, at any given time, and there will be boat loads of people shopping and just generally out and about. It's more like what you would experience on the weekends stateside. I can't really put into words how their version of work hard and play hard is different than ours, but somehow in the execution of this mantra, you get an overall different pace of life. It's slower without losing it's efficiency. It works for them and after living here, it worked for me. Paraphrasing Bubba, that's all I can say about that.

7. Traveling

Sixteen countries in less than 3 years. Two Mediterranean cruises- one with the kids and one without. I'm not bragging, just trying to show you how much traveling you can do in a short time, and yes we we were on a budget. So much to see and experience. Never enough time. The traveling opportunities are without a doubt amazing! Sadly, I know people who hardly travelled at all in the two plus years they have been in Germany. I can't fathom not exploring, not getting out to see all Europe has to offer. I know, no questions asked, I will miss it dearly. 

8. Bäckerei, Bakeries and Baked Goods

It's a Christmas miracle I'm not going home 50 pounds heavier. The baked goods in Germany are fantastic! You can find a bakery in almost every village, and it's a cornerstone of village life. Opening bright and early, many times before the bright even started, and closing just around mid afternoon. Awesome deliciousness just emanating from it's shelves! Breads, donuts, pastries, and always fresh. My favorite was Johanisbeeren pastry, which is currants. What's it taste like? It's a little bit tart, a little sweet, and totally delicious!

 OMGosh is it amazing! So yeah, pastries are amazing, but I haven't mentioned the bread. German bread is just as great! I'm not sure what their secret ingredient is, but I'm pretty sure it lacks all the preservatives we find in our bread. Simply because

9. Amazing Food

Pastries. Bread. Rolls. Strudel. Schnitzel. Pork Roast and all things pork really. Wine. Rest stop food. Yes I said rest stop food, but that is a separate item all together. All of it is just amazing! In the almost 3 years in Europe I did not sit down to a meal that was awful or worthy of being sent back to the kitchen. We ate tapas in Barcelona, stuffed grape leaves in Athens, escargot in Paris. All of it phenomenal, and I'm not exaggerating. We either truly lucked out every single time or our palates were so indiscriminate that everything tasted yummy! Either way, I tasted my way through Europe and loved every minute of it. 

10. Rest stops worth the stop.

I joked with my mom when she came to visit, if she thought we could bring the German concept of rest stops back to the states. We laughed because there is no way I can see any American paying to use a public restroom. That being said, it's the best 70 euro cents you will ever pay. What are you paying for you ask? A clean bathroom. One that has an attendant keeping up with the tp, sinks and overall hygiene. Some bathrooms are high tech in that they include a self-sanitizing toilet! In all my travels I think we stopped once at a rest stop and were disappointed. Mind you it was more disappointment at the long lines than anything hygiene related. On top of clean, usable restrooms they have wonderfully fresh cappuccinos made- made by a real person, and tasty freshly cooked meals. It makes stopping at a rest stop to eat worth the money and time! What a novel concept. Imagine the money a US company could make if we improved our rest stops? Oh and to boot you get a 50 cent rebate receipt that you can use on your purchase. Cha-ching!  

11. Autobahn and Left Lane Passers

Driving has been such a pleasure, especially at speeds of 130-140 kph, which loosely translates to 80-90 mph. Speed is just one of the pleasures of the autobahn. The actual conditions of the road are equally wonderful. They either pave them under the cover of night or just know how to pave the hell outta some roads. If you have ever driven in NYC you know that can loose a small child in the city's potholes. Germany doesn't have potholes really. Perhaps an occasional rough patch road, but by and large they are smooth, especially the ones in our neck of Germany. The A6 and the A62 are marvelous for opening up the Beamer and listening to her purr at 100mph. Aaaahhhh!

Now let's talk about the courtesies of driving. Apparently, in every country, the laws state you pass in the left lane and stay in the right for cruising. Who knew that this could actually work if enforced? People TRAVEL in the right lane and PASS on the left. They actually only use that left lane to pass! Again, German efficiency. I wonder how I will cage the my beast of a car with top speeds of 70 mph in the states. *chortle*  

12. Health-centric culture

From an amazing amount of biking, hiking and walking trails, to a diet that centers on fresh food, Europeans have a different view on healthy habits. While my impression was that they smoke and drink more than we do, it seems they are healthier. Perhaps all walking and biking coupled with a different way of preparing foods, just adds up to a healthier lifestyle. Maybe it was the lack of fast food options? I don't know, it's just a healthier lifestyle. I do know I will have to work to maintain this healthy living. The question is how much work will it actually be?

13. Unapologetic Christmas

This is short and easy. In liberal Europe they are unapologetic about Christmas. You don't say Happy Holidays in fear of offending someone with a Merry Christmas. You don't Happy Hannukah people or happy whatever else they celebrate. It's Christmas and they celebrate it with Christmas markets, parades, lights, Saint Nick, food and wine. It's the most wonderful time of the year! You want to understand more, check out my post on Christmas Markets. 

14. Pedestrian walkways and street cafés 

A delicious pastry. A fresh cup of coffee or better yet a cool beer. People passing by on their way to this store or that place. All of this happening before you as you sit and take it all in from a sidewalk café. I know many American cities are joining in on this awesomeness of summer, but the mild German summers make this extra special. You can sit for hours and watch the droves of people with their well groomed and well-healed pets, and just take it all in. It was one of the quintessentially European things to do, and if you have never had an opportunity to do this- it's a must! Many of these street cafés are located on these large pedestrian walkways lined with shops, bakeries, restaurants and many other enticing-to-the-senses locales. It was just so nice to sit and just soak it all up. 

I know I will probably be able to find street cafés stateside, I'm just not sure how many and of what caliber. I guess we will see. 

15. Lingering restaurant stays

Dining in any European restaurant is an hours-long experience. I remember sitting at a Thai restaurant for over 3 hours, and that was after dinner. There is no rush to get guests out of there, or to even get you served. When you enter the restaurant they will get you menus and drinks but there is no sense of urgency to hurry up and take your order. You never feel like there is a rush to get you in and out, turn over that table. At one German restaurant they actually kept count of our beers by writing down hash marks on the backside of a coaster! Talk about the honor system. Dining is a true affair of food, drink and leisure! You can stay for hours after dinner, have as many drinks as you want, and just be with your family and friends, enjoying your time together. It's what dining should be, and how enjoying the tastes of food ought to be accomplished. 

_______

I am sure there will be other things that I miss about Germany, but for right now these are tops in my head. I'll be sure to update this if other things pop up or become more apparent as the "You're back in the USA" game evolves.

So long and Farewell

It's almost over. We leave tomorrow for the good ol' US of A. It's a milestone in this journey of mil spouse life. It was a great ride Germany! 

From our trip Summer 2013*

I just want to take a moment to thank everyone that made my almost 3 years so memorable and tolerable. 

From my first friends at the Dub- Krista, Leanne, Gen, Ryan, Bren and Peter. You made that first year tolerable, bearable and more than anything memorable. Thank you for giving me a place to call "my bar" Bren. You will be missed, my Little Leprechaun. To all the people I met through the Dub, thanks for a good time!

The Ramstein High School folks- you made my year teaching in a new school and new country fun and amazing. I appreciate you more than you know. Luly and Tracy- thanks for all the laughs and I am sure I will see you again in the future. :)

To the Volleyball crew- thanks for everything you taught me this year, and it wasn't just volleyball. I will miss my girls, my coaching friends and everything volleyball. 

To my USAPAT family members who I love dearly, and because it's my blog I will call you out by name:

The Carpenters-  That first year was almost hell but together we got through it Jilly. Just wish your ass hadn't moved to the opposite coast. :) Miss you. Can't wait to create more memories… just watch your movie if you think we didn't accomplish much in 2 years. ;)

The Peterson's- I'm so happy we became friends. You are both amazing people and I can't wait to see what our future adventures hold. It's always a blast when we get together! We appreciate your unwavering support! :)

The Harrington's- You are both wonderful people and I am so grateful to call you friends. It has been a fun ride and I can't wait to see you both in GA. :)

Mindy- Thanks for finally opening up and giving ALL OF US a chance. Only took you 6 years, but who's counting. ;) You missed so much and I can't wait to make up for all the lost time, and we will! Life is good and you deserve it. Keep telling yourself that! I'm so happy to call you and Colby family. I love you both! 

To anyone and everyone else who showed us kindness, friendship and a good time. We have so many fond memories of our time here in Germany and I can't ask for more…. well I could but that would be selfish! hahaha!

Last but never least many many thanks to my hubby and kids who make everything worth doing and experiencing. Love you to the moon and back! 

I heart Germany. *

Auf wiedersehen Germany, and know that I will return to visit. 

*All pictures are mine. I took them and I own them! :) 

The Nurse vs. a Georgia form

The PCS season is upon us, and we are on the move again. We have been getting ready for this move for quite some time and it seems that the worst is over. We have shipped our unaccompanied baggage, household goods, alcohol (always important!), cars and now we are down to the last little bit. 

Of course moving in the middle of January has it's benefits and drawbacks. The biggest drawback is moving the kids in the middle of a school year. We've done this before and I know that in addition to school records, school district usually want some of their own state-specific paperwork. Experience tells me so. Part of this last little bit of clearing is Bear's school records. Being a teacher, and working in a military school, I know how tedious it can be to complete student grades prior to a marking period closing, especially with short notice. For this reason alone, I made sure to request my son's records WELL in advance of his last day of school. And by well in advance, I mean more than 30 days before his last day. 

So today when I go to his school to request a favor, I didn't expect the attitude I received.

Here starts today's incident which leads me to this rant. Rant starts now…….

I'm a planner. I'm a researcher. I like to know what I'm getting myself into and what I can expect. It's not a bad thing, and quite frankly it has been invaluable at time when I have insight brought about from my research. I like the analytical side of my brain, it works for me and for my family. 

Part of my PCS prep has been to research everything GA was going to want in order for Bear to start school as soon as possible. Granted I will be hand-carrying his school records, copies of his report card, immunizations and all that crap. But I also know that some states want their own paperwork, their own forms completed. So I researched this and got my hands on the forms GA wanted. I got the specific immunizations forms filled out, which was an issue as the clinic didn't want to fill them out. I also got my hands on GA form 3300, which is required for attendance in their schools. 

This particular form has a few pieces of health screening information that most schools do anyways: hearing, vision, nutrition (height/weight). So I figured it would be easier to have his CURRENT school complete this rather than his gaining school. I thought I would be better to have it done here where they HAVE that info, rather than try to get in to see a doc for a physical at our new post. 

I walk in to the middle school today and ask the lady at the counter if I could see the school nurse so that she can fill out this form for us so that he can start school as soon as we get there. She is baffled by the form, and calls the nurse. She doesn't leave her desk, and yells to me through the "drive-through" window at the front desk :"Who's your student?!" Then she proceeds to tell the nurse on the phone, a call I CAN HEAR, that she "has never seen this form before."  She then walks the form up to me at the window,and tells me to sign in and go to the nurse.  She looks at me and says "I have never seen this form before. And they want this for him to attend?" 

I was nice. I promise I was nice. Only because I need them. Otherwise I would have said something snarky like: "No I'm thinking it's a big fucking joke, but I'm gonna go along with it! Yes of course they want it! It says it on the form! You rahtard!"

But I didn't I simply smiled and said: "Yea. It's something they need." And I walked to the nurses office. 

You would think this would be the end of the madness, but no. I get to the nurses office, who was expecting us (hubby was with me). And I show her the form, which she takes from me. She looks at it and says: "They want this completed? I have never seen this form before." Here we go again! 

So after round 2 of the Mystery of the GA form 3300, she proceeds to tell me that she can only fill out the vision and hearing, and height and weight. The rest I will have to figure out on my own. She also tells me that she can't do it right this minute. Ummm, listen bitch nurse, I didn't ask for it NOW.  I told her several times that as long as I have it by Wednesday, we're good. She then gives me attitude about having to complete the form even though she already turned in his records to the registrar pending our move. 

Oh I'm sorry you have to do your job! Oh! I'm sorry I went online to see what GA wanted in order for my child to start school. Sorry your rude, lazy ass doesn't want to complete this form, but YOU WIlL! I didn't ask you if you had SEEN the form before, I simply asked you to complete it! Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it isn't a legitimate form that is needed for school attendance in GA. Trust me I know! I already had to complete forms for GA for my daughter to attend COLLEGE for crying out loud. 

I just don't understand why people don't want to help others. Why people are insistent on being rude. I didn't pick your job, YOU DID! Do it with kindness and pride, especially if you are a school nurse. Sheesh.

That middle school could really use an overhaul of its administrative staff. They are rude as shit and really have the worst customer service skills I have ever seen in a school. 

Just sayin'.

Saying goodbye to a child

I don't think of myself as a religious person. I believe in God, and I pray. Not as often as I should and probably not for the reasons I should, but I know he has a plan. I'm also pretty confident I would never understand it. I'm not on his level. I know this; I'm good with this.

What always baffles me about God's plan is when children die. I'm not quite sure how a parent can say goodbye to a child. I am not talking college goodbyes here. I am talking about burying a child. It just isn't natural to be left on this Earth without your children. I can't imagine nor do I ever want to. 

This week my daughter lost one of her former classmates. A young 19 year old college student enjoying the final days of summer after completing her freshmen year. She was blessed and had so much to look forward to in her life. She was on the right path, undoubtedly doing what God was planning.

And now she is gone. In a blink of an eye. In the span of a few hours her life is gone and her family will never be the same. I just can't imagine this. I can't fathom the sense of loss and heartache her mom must feel. It hurts me and I am just a bystander, never having met this young woman or her parents.

I don't ever want to go through or even think about what it must be like to muddle through life missing a part of you, missing a child. So today I hold my children a little tighter, and tell them I love them a little bit more because the truth is you just don't know. You don't know the plan or how it plays out. All you have are a few stolen moments on the continuum of eternity, and in a blink it can all change.

Today, all I offer are prayers. Prayers that God grants them some semblance of peace. Prayers that the pain subsides and no more tragedy befalls this family. Prayers that every day it will get easier. Prayers that they eventually come to understand that she is in a better place.

Go with God and rest in peace Josie.

My heart goes out to the Seebeck Family. Send them a little prayer.... please.

Fat looks better tanned.

It's the third week in January, and it's my third week on this here thirteenth journey down Weight Loss Lane. Conservatively I have attempted this every year for the last thirteenth years. Conservatively. No bullshit.

Salad or chocolate? That's a no brainer!

I don't know that I have been "fat" all my life, but I have struggled with the yo-yo of weight gain and loss. I think a lot of women struggle through this. My struggles are no different than the next person's and truth is I might not be struggling if I hadn't started my Mommy-Hood so early in life. 

Maybe I would have enjoyed my youthfulness for longer. Maybe I would have learned better eating habits and workout strategies. Maybe I would have learned to combat stress without overindulging. Maybe if my aunt had balls she would be my uncle. There are a shit ton of maybes that change absolutely nothing. 

None of those maybes count. What counts now are the number of times I have attempted and summarily failed at losing the weight and keeping it off. What counts now is that I am tired of it. What really counts, and I hate this part, is that I am fucking getting older. It's no longer as easy to get rid of the excess poundage. What counts is that my body is not cooperating with the weight loss. What counts is that I am trying my damnedest and I am not even seeing minimal results. What counts is how the hell am I going to push myself through this until I do see some results. 

What counts is how I overcome my past habits and instill new ones.

I have been doing well these past 3 weeks. I have been exercising about 4-5 days a week, some days 2 a days. I have been trying to keep my step count above 10k every day. I have been counting calories and tracking what I eat. I have been weighing and measuring my protein (meat) and choosing fresh veggies and eating more of them. I have increase my water intake astronomically, and decreased my sugar. I am going what I am supposed to. 

Then why does the scale fucking hate me?

That darn thing hates me. I think it's sole purpose in it's existence is to torture people. I bet in medieval times people were put on those balance scales and placed in the center of town for all to see, right outside the church- maximum visibility. They would offset the weight of the individual with rocks or mud which is where the term big as a house could've come from. They were balancing your fat ass with all the makings of a thatched home... so you were big as a house. Or maybe fat as hell came from there as well considering you were outside the church and only the devil could have made someone so gluttonous. (Oh shit... that is my Catholic guilt talking there. Ignore this last statement. My bad... I went a lil' overboard there. It's that Catholic self-loathing....deeply ingrained. Carry on.) That is my theory anyways....

Those numbers are my albatross. 

For starters I can't get an accurate reading ANYWHERE in the fecking house. I move the scale from one room to the next, trying to find level ground, and I can gain and lose 7 pounds in the process. There isn't one piece of level tile in this here establishment. So I get on it this morning....BAM! I am 189 pounds! Nothing like 3 numbers to bring you to tears. 

Tears. I know melodramatic. But when last week I had lost just shy of 3 lbs, watching those number creep in the wrong direction is heartbreaking. 

Then I move the scale again. BAM! I am 187.9. Really? 

I strip down to my bra and underwear. Move it again....186. Move it... 185. I figure if I keep moving it maybe just the process alone will have me shedding 10, 15, 20 pounds. Uggh. I am frustrated.

Look I just want a small victory. A pound or two. Something to keep my going and motivated. Something that let's me know that I am doing this right. Anything? Bueller?

So I am staying off the scale until tomorrow morning for my Biggest Loser weigh in. When in doubt... I might go tan. Fat looks better tanned. 

Pray that I don't throw the darn thing from the second story window. 

Pray that I don't have to start this shit over again in 2014, 'cause this shit is getting old. Fast. 

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Weight loss: EPIC FAIL

I do it every year. And every year I fail at it.

I started in December 2006. I lost a shit ton of weight by Spring 2007. Then summer happened, and I slowly packed it back on. Every year since then I have tried but I can't manage to finish it, much less keep it off.

Just look at my sparkpeople profile. It reads like a bad nightmare. Like a string of failed resolutions. Like groundhog day, every year.

Jan 2012: Here we go again! It seems every year I try to do this again, and every year I fail to some degree. Not this year. I found a workout buddy. I don't have the same level of work responsibilities. So I have decided to go big or go home. I tend to go home but not this time. I am training for a Triathlon! I have joined a local Biggest Loser contest and have joined several smaller challenges. I have a swim challenge at my local pool, and a circuit training challenge at the gym. So let's see if all these challenges can motivate me to a healthier lifestyle. 

April 2011: Ummm yea so I could literally copy what I wrote last May and it would read the same. What to do? Can't get motivated and skinny pictures are not motivating enough? HEEELLLPPP!! 

May 2010: So I haven't accomplished my goals since the last time I updated my SparkPage. I feel horrible and I can't express how disillusioned I am with myself. I ordered the DVD collection, Slim in 6 and I am planning to start Monday May 10. I will post here and show my progress. I want to leave my "skinny" pictures up for motivation. I am going to give it my all.... for real this time. 

January 2009: Ok, so it has been since January 2007, when I started this journey. I am now back at the 180lbs, on a good day. I can't do this anymore. I am going to join my Diva sisters and lose this crap for good! I am tired of feeling sick and tired! So here it goes, FOR GOOD! My new years' resolution is to resolve my weight issues and be a healthier me.... read below to see where I was....and where I hope to get back to! 

"My name is Melissa and last year I joined my Diva sisters in our move from BLC to SparkPeople. I was doing wonderfully! I had gone from 182lbs all the way down to 157lbs, at my lowest. Then summer came along! As a school teacher, summertime means leisure, hanging out and little structure. Needless to say I fell WAY off the wagon. Now I am back up to 179lbs and hating every bit of it, cursing myself for the lack of discipline and will power. BUT NOW I'M BACK! and I am going to achieve this goal and keep it off FOR GOOD!" 

WOW- that was my message to 'SELF' at the beginning of last year. Amazing that summer 2008 is here and I am still at the WHOPPING 175lbs. I am disappointed in my lack of follw through. So I am trying this AGAIN... because that is all I can do. I must push myself and see this through. I can't go through life feeling like a slug and justifying it to myself. SO let's see what I can do this summer!!! I am putting my money where my mouth is!! 

Horrid! I know. Look at my posts from last year about Finding Fitness.

It's all so depressing. 

The worst part is that I don't know how to break the cycle of the yo-yo. 

All I can do is start over, again and again. In the hopes that at some point it will stick and I will keep the healthy smaller version of me. 

Yeah. I am starting it again this year. I am starting the Biggest Loser again, like I did in 2007. Hopefully it will have that same boost effect it did last time. Only time will tell. Let's hope my BL sisters can help me, help myself to get to where I want to be. I'm tired of struggling to keep the weight off. It's emotionally exhausting. 

I start today. 

I'll keep you posted on the progress. 

*deep sigh*

Here is my profile description for the BL page. 

My Journey

My journey is not unique, it's like everyone else's who struggles with weight loss and gain. I woke up one day, looked at pictures and realized I had to make a change. And I did...that year.

It was winter 2006 and I had joined the Biggest Loser, trying to find someone, something to motivate me. I connected with a wonderful group of women, my Dynamic Diva Sisters. (I was formerly known as ArmeWfe.) Through early 2007 and into spring they pushed me through challenges that got me losing weight, and toning muscle. I went from 180 lbs down to 157 lbs at my lightest. Then our group moved to Sparkpeople, and for me it was downhill from there. Summer vacations, work schedules, children, deployments and life in general moved in a direction that saw me yo-yo-ing through different sizes and weights. Every year it was the same crap "I'll lose it this year!" "I'll train for (fill in the blank) this year." And every year it was the same disappointment. Every year it was the same excuses and and hard truths to face. That was every year until last year. We moved to Germany in summer 2011, and I no longer was working full-time. I had time, and less responsibilities and I found a friend. We started working out, training for a triathlon. At first it was hard, and then it was great. I was running 4 miles! Something I had NEVER done. We were swimming and biking. We started a hybrid of P90X and Insanity. The weight was coming off (not fast) but more importantly I felt healthy and I was stronger. Then summer happened, and traveling, and summer turned into winter and winter turned into more excuses.

Now it's a new year and I am promising myself all over again that I will get it together, and do it this time. Except I looked at my SparkPeople account, and I have said that every year since 2008 after I gained all my weight back. I haven't seen 157 lbs since early summer of 2007. I would like to see it again. I am hoping I will do it and make the habits stick this time.

The girls are back in town, my Diva Sisters, and we are back on the BL. Let's hope we can do this again. I did it last time with my girls and I have faith in their motivating capabilities. I am hopeful I will persevere this time.

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